operation: smiles: Are you your own frenemy?

A frenemy is someone who is both friend and enemy, a relationship that is both mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive, fraught with risk and mistrust. Are you your own frenemy?

For a lot of women -- including myself -- we can be our own worst critic. My skin doesn't look perfect today. I feel fat. I wish my teeth were whiter. I should have... I could have... I would have... No matter who you are, where you live, and what you do, self-doubt has reared its ugly little head into your life sometime or another. Canada's fashion magazine, FLARE, features a special Life Coach article in the November 2009 issue that encourages readers to "talk yourself up, not down -- turn your inner critic into your inner wingwoman."

Have you downplayed your accomplishments lately or compared yourself unfavorably against others? I have a confession: I have done both lately! Yikes!

I work in public relations, and achieved great coverage in a very widely read newspaper for one of my clients last week. When my colleagues and bosses congratulated me, I didn't want to sound conceited so I said that I couldn't have done it without such a great team... AND when I picked up this month's FLARE magazine, I compared myself to the beautiful Leah Miller and her fantastic and fit figure!

Now, I'm not saying to get rid of your inner critic. We all need someone to keep us accountable and level headed. Sometimes, critics can be quite insightful and constructive! (i.e. no you really can't pull off purple hair!).

When a negative thought pops into your head, write it down and then write down the reverse (so a positive thought)... do this every time you have a negative thought, whether it's about yourself, a family member, your spouse, or even a colleague. I'm going to start doing this tomorrow, and I have a feeling I'll be surprised how many negative thoughts I have throughout the day... especially during the 2 hour commute to and from work each way! It's all about the baby steps, and the first step is realizing the issue which is exactly what this exercise will accomplish!